I've been talking to this guy when he comes to social gather's at my friend Sean's apartment. He seemed cool enough at first. A little cocky, but interested in things. Then he started talking about gender relations, and my respect for him fell away, like someone cut down too many trees and erosion happened.
So, it started off innocently enough. He made a claim that women use sex to get what they want. I didn't exactly disagree. I made the point that some women use sex as a tool, and that, in the past, it was an effective way to get someone to support her. I'm talking like, when women weren't really in the workforce, and back in the stone age. Of course, many women use this today (gold diggers, yeah?), but definitely not a majority of women. I cited a girl I knew who is actually sort of a sociopath (nice girl otherwise), who uses sex as a tool to get what she wants, which is usually drugs. I by no means said a majority of women do this. I thought we were on the same page about this, but a few weeks later, this guy comes back into town, and starts talking about it again, saying this is how 95% of women are.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Of course, I argue my point, using people I know (and myself) as examples. I have never used sex to get what I want. I have never withheld sex as a punishment. I mean, I certainly don't want to have sex while I'm angry, but neither does my boyfriend. I know a lot of girls who don't use sex to get into a relationship. A very good friend of mine is happily single, but has no-strings-attached sex with another good friend of mine. They like each other, but neither is ready for a relationship. What are they both getting out of this? Just sex.
This guy comes back at me, saying that women should only serve to please men, and that they don't deserve sexual satisfaction, nor should they really want it. He thinks the whole idea of gender should be black and white (men are masculine, women are feminine), and that we each have our places.
So... what's wrong with trading places? Shouldn't that be up to the individuals? I don't want kids. I don't want to stay at home and play house. I find nothing wrong with women wanting that, but it's not for me. I was raised in a house where my mother worked, and my father raised the kids. And I was raised to be a feminist, through-and-through. This isn't about burning bras, or women being better than men, because they aren't. This is about women and men having equal chances to do what they want to do with their lives, whatever that may be. This is about educators and parents being taught to treat children equally, and help young girls develop problem-solving skills, rather than treating them like delicate little flowers. This is about girls and boys being treated equally when it comes to discipline. This is about people not saying that there are certain things boys do and certain things girls do, because it's all social.
I know this guy was just trying to get under my skin (obviously he did, since I'm writing about this). After awhile, I just stopped replying to what he was saying, because he was so off base. My boyfriend says he was probably just trying to get some sort of female interaction, and I'm starting to agree with him. This guy makes my skin crawl, and if he tries to engage me in another one of these conversations, I'm going to either slug him, or tell him politely "I'm really bored of this subject, because I already know how both of us feel, and honestly, I don't respect your views, and don't care to hear them anymore."
... it probably won't be that polite...
All in all, it makes me appreciate that I have a boyfriend who supports me in my career, doesn't want kids (thank god), and is always willing, nay, eager to go down on me.* I am so sick of this sexist air about this place. Even some of the guys I thought were pretty cool for awhile now have been showing signs that make me happy I'm not looking for a boyfriend around here. I think I'd probably give up on that and date a chick. I mean, the guys back home were sometimes assholes, (and I certainly knew a few that had less than stellar ideas about relationships), but none of them were so outright sexist, and I knew they all respected me. They've seen me wield a gun; they know not to fuck with me. Ha.
In other news, I've become effectively nocturnal, which doesn't bode well for me during class. I really need to get my shit together so I don't fail everything. Bleh.
Anyway, signing off. I just needed to vent.
*You'd be surprised how many people around here openly discuss how gross it is to go down on a girl. It really makes me sad.
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